I was texting Jane just yesterday about priorities and how skewed they can become. Between class, work, reading assignments, papers, presentations, internship applications and lab write-ups, when do I really find time for me? Since starting my life in Montana, I find that while I really enjoy the daily hustle and bustle, I sometimes get lost inside it.
So I've been making some [very conscious] changes. One of my biggest, most consuming problems has always been that I relentlessly compare myself to those around me. Why don't I have as many friends as she does? Why can't I be petite like her? They're in a happy relationship... What am I doing wrong? Shouldn't I have a boyfriend, too? If my chemistry lab partner is so much smarter than me, why am I even pursuing a career in the sciences? I'm not as smart as everyone else. Blah blah BLAH. I'm consciously halting these thoughts as they come.
So that leads into my next point. Self-talk. I'm truly exhausted with being so hard on myself. Yes, there are some benefits. I have a great work ethic because of it. But why should I say things to myself that I would never in a million years say to anyone else? I shouldn't. So I'm trying to be nice to myself and remember the things that I'm good at and all of my successes. If other people can see the good in me, then I can try to see it too.
This is so uncomfortable. I'm not a huge fan of talking about myself. But hey, maybe I should work on that too. A lot of my relationships have struggled in the past because I'm too closed off and I don't contribute enough. It's just not natural for me. My coping mechanism to any and all problems has always been to shut down.
So. I'm re-prioritizing. I'm trying to carve out some time for myself every day, whether that be going for a run, typing up a blog post, doodling in my new notebook, making bracelets, reading at the library or going on a hike. The other things can wait.
Photo time! Look at my blessings!
 |
| Happy Valentine's Day!!! So lucky to have made such a good friend here in Montana. Alexis will be a lifelong friend. |
 |
| Bozeman. I'm quite fond of you. |
 |
| If I hadn't chosen MSU, I never would have gotten the opportunity to fall in love with nature again. I always knew I loved it, but I became so stagnant in Gresham. One of my greatest blessings has been the ability to follow my dreams and grow in them. |
 |
| My babies. Love them so so so much, always. (Plus Logan) And Blaine isn't a baby but I sure do miss him too. When I was home for Christmas, Blaine woke me up multiple times with breakfast in bed. Love him! |
 |
| The best friend that I will ever have!!! Eleven years going strong. Here's a little glimpse of our friendship: -Knitting hats for hours and hours -Eating Dairy Queen in bed while making fun of everyone on social media -Sneaking cheeseburgers into movies -Harry Potter Marathons -Getting tattoos together! (That was one hell of a day.) -Making a CD of us singing Christmas music (still in progress...) -East Lake forever -Following a cute boy dubbed "Bandana Boy" all over East Lake the summer after 6th grade -Starbucks. So much Starbucks. -Red Robin. So much Red Robin. -Getting in trouble for writing "F%&* Math" on a desk in 7th grade -Walking to Kelly Creek together like... EVERY DAY when we lived near eachother </3 -Riding the horrific bus to school together -Losing our body weight in sweat on the East Coast Trip -Sleeping on crappy couches that broke our backs in Vegas -Supporting eachother always and forever LOVE YOU SO MUCH LAMB! |
 |
| I just love critters. This photo rocks. Waiting to hear back on an internship application for the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center.... So cool!! |
 |
| Jane. I've learned so much about the world and about myself from this lovely woman. She helps to keep me sane throughout the week... Always sharing valuable insight and/or fun photos and/or just asking how I'm doing. My running buddy, bonus mom and good friend. A blessing to me. |
 |
| Running. Thankful that Jane ever got me started. It's so much harder to run alone... But it's a part of me that I need now. |
 |
| I'm so lucky to have the job that I do. As the year's gone on, I've gotten closer and closer with my boss, Maya. I look forward to work now because... Well... She's my friend! We work side by side every single day and share lots of laughs and stories. There's this little coffee shop right off campus called The Daily, and sometimes we run to get a cookie and coffee. She always manages to pay for me... Brat! |
 |
| The Public Library. Books just calm me. I also really like the school library... I always go to the third floor (the "quiet study area") where there's a fountain in the middle of the room and a really nice, productive environment. Another favorite is Cold Smoke Coffeehouse. They're open until midnight every night, so Alexis and I go there often when we really need to get things done. |
 |
| My favorite hike... Ever!!! Pine Creek Lake in the Absarokee Range. Super tough, super beautiful hike. |
 |
| Mama. She's always taught me to be strong and I am so lucky for that. I will always be independent because my mom showed me how. At the same time, she has always loved her kids more than anything in the world... A great mother. |
 |
| Tawn. My number one always. It's hard looking back a few years ago when we spent every waking minute together. But it's so fun watching both of us navigate our own ways through this life. |
 |
| Dad. <3 The one who introduced me to the outdoors, who gave me my work ethic and who showed me how to give to others. I'm not sure I'll ever find a man who lives up to the standards my dad has set. |
Hope Floats.
