Pay it Forward

       I set a couple of hours aside today just to sit down, paint my nails (pink) and ponder. While I was at school today, a few people told me they had read my blog and my automatic reaction was embarrassment. I was so mortified that I even felt myself start to blush. I didn't even know why I was feeling this way and it left me confused. Why should I be embarrassed that people choose to read my blog? It's MY blog.

       I gave that some thought. I decided that I had been embarrassed because all my previous post contained were little details about me and my life, and I don't think I'm all that interesting. But I made this blog to share the thoughts that I find worthy of sharing, and share I will. :-)

       Today after my think-time, I typed out an entire blog post that basically just expressed my self-image and how terrible it is. I left the post sitting on my laptop while I went grocery shopping with my mom and I planned on coming home and publishing it. On our outing, I had a change in heart.

       I had been in a nasty mood, like I have been for the past few months. Bless her heart, I was taking it out on my dear mom. We pulled up to a red light and there was a homeless man sitting at the intersection with a sign that read, "Anything helps." His face was scruffy and his eyes were old and sad. It always brings a pang to my heart when I see people sitting on street corners in the cold, but I can't afford to help all of them and usually I just smile and continue on. Today the sun was shining through the break in the clouds and I took that as a sign. I dug out my wallet and asked my mom to hand him the only thing I had; a $5. I watched the man's eyes light up and I heard the utter gratitude in his voice as he rushed to the window, took the bill and said, "Thank you so much." He was so appreciative of that measly $5.  We said, "God bless" and as we drove off I felt conflicted. I felt good about the moment of happiness I had brought the man. I felt bad because in the scheme of things, my $5 won't help him as much as I'd like it to.

       My mood turned around after this and I realized how selfish of me it had been to spend so much time typing out a stupid blog post all about myself and my puny problems. I came home and deleted it. That man has so much less than me and yet he is so thankful for the tiniest things.

       As I mentioned earlier, I always try to smile at homeless men and women. It is sickening to me the way people drive past them without even a glance. How do you think it makes them feel when people literally pretend they're invisible? They are not invisible. They are people who are struggling. They are people who need a warm smile the most. Remind them that kindness still exists. Give them hope. Paying it forward has to start somewhere.

Tonight I'm feeling thankful. I have great friends and family who love and care for me. I have a roof over my head and I have food to eat. I have a job and I have a future ahead of me. I am counting my blessings.

 

Hope Floats.

Inside the Mind of a New Blogger

       Last night as I laid tossing and turning, I did what I always do when I can't sleep. I picked up my cellphone. With nothing else to look at, I ended up on Pinterest searching quotes (~see Roald Dahl quote above). As all of these lovely quotes filled my head, I realized I really wanted a place to put those quotes and my own thoughts and ideas regarding them. So alas, I created a blog. Here I am. I don't know if anyone is reading this or if anyone ever will, but whatever. Mostly I wanted a blog for me. To sort out my thoughts and give me a constructive place to put them. Here's the thing. I've been in a pretty bad place lately and I'm really hoping this will help (because, after all, hope floats).

       I guess I'll start by telling you about me. I'm Kami. I'm a senior in high school headed to Montana State University next year (Yahoo!). I've worked at a movie theater for the past two years. The outdoors is my oasis. I have a big huge family that sometimes I get lost in. My sister is my very best friend, my favorite person in the world, my comfort, my strength. Her name is Tawny. She lives in Nevada and I miss her so much it hurts. I'm diagnosed with senioritis (hehe, not really funny, I know). Even so, I take school really seriously and I'm very ambitious. I want to be one of two things when I grow up... a) a counselor, or b) a nurse. I'm hoping (there's that word again) to make good money and be successful and all that crap but mostly I'm just on the pursuit of happiness. Aren't we all?

       If you haven't noticed by now, I actually really hate talking about me. But I love talking about my deep thoughts and that's what I plan on doing here. But not tonight. Tonight I've spent about 4 hours creating this blog and making it look pretty and now I want to sleep. Did I mention how much I LOVE my bed???

 

 

  Hope Floats.