Pay it Forward

       I set a couple of hours aside today just to sit down, paint my nails (pink) and ponder. While I was at school today, a few people told me they had read my blog and my automatic reaction was embarrassment. I was so mortified that I even felt myself start to blush. I didn't even know why I was feeling this way and it left me confused. Why should I be embarrassed that people choose to read my blog? It's MY blog.

       I gave that some thought. I decided that I had been embarrassed because all my previous post contained were little details about me and my life, and I don't think I'm all that interesting. But I made this blog to share the thoughts that I find worthy of sharing, and share I will. :-)

       Today after my think-time, I typed out an entire blog post that basically just expressed my self-image and how terrible it is. I left the post sitting on my laptop while I went grocery shopping with my mom and I planned on coming home and publishing it. On our outing, I had a change in heart.

       I had been in a nasty mood, like I have been for the past few months. Bless her heart, I was taking it out on my dear mom. We pulled up to a red light and there was a homeless man sitting at the intersection with a sign that read, "Anything helps." His face was scruffy and his eyes were old and sad. It always brings a pang to my heart when I see people sitting on street corners in the cold, but I can't afford to help all of them and usually I just smile and continue on. Today the sun was shining through the break in the clouds and I took that as a sign. I dug out my wallet and asked my mom to hand him the only thing I had; a $5. I watched the man's eyes light up and I heard the utter gratitude in his voice as he rushed to the window, took the bill and said, "Thank you so much." He was so appreciative of that measly $5.  We said, "God bless" and as we drove off I felt conflicted. I felt good about the moment of happiness I had brought the man. I felt bad because in the scheme of things, my $5 won't help him as much as I'd like it to.

       My mood turned around after this and I realized how selfish of me it had been to spend so much time typing out a stupid blog post all about myself and my puny problems. I came home and deleted it. That man has so much less than me and yet he is so thankful for the tiniest things.

       As I mentioned earlier, I always try to smile at homeless men and women. It is sickening to me the way people drive past them without even a glance. How do you think it makes them feel when people literally pretend they're invisible? They are not invisible. They are people who are struggling. They are people who need a warm smile the most. Remind them that kindness still exists. Give them hope. Paying it forward has to start somewhere.

Tonight I'm feeling thankful. I have great friends and family who love and care for me. I have a roof over my head and I have food to eat. I have a job and I have a future ahead of me. I am counting my blessings.

 

Hope Floats.